Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
