someone threw a dead crab at me
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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