And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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