you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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