So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
