I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
