All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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