Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
