No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
