I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
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i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
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just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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