Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
