I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
