omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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