He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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