i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
