Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
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I feel like death gave me a hand job
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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