Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The air was thick with penises
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
