I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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