So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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