'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
