Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
