sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
