cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize