just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
