I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
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If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
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The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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