broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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