Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize