he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
