Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
