i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
