God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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