my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
