Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
