Swine flu. Run for my life!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
