After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I have aggressive nipples.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
