I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
