I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
