You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
