Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
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I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
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Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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