ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
