She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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