Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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