just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
