Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
