So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Randomize
