she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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