we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?