how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
