It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
