remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
