I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
