4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
