she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
