i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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