If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
