Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
