wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
