i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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