Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
