What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
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I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
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I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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