You can't special order awesome
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
