after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
