So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize