it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
