Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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